Between Heaven and Hell
by Catalyna
Summary: After Marie's death Ben is having trouble coping until a night visitor comes in...


Between Heaven and Hell

By Cat

It had been six months since Marie's death. Ben was having problems sleeping. He missed Marie beside him in the bed. Not only for the lovemaking, although to be honest, he did miss that, but it was the little things. The feel of her body snuggled close, the ice cold feet that usually found their way to the middle of his back, the covers pulled tight as he tried to keep them from being pulled away, and, especially, the soft rhythm of her breathing as it lulled him to sleep.

While tossing and turning, he heard his door open, and voices just outside. It was Little Joe, his youngest son at age 5 and his eldest son, Adam.

"Joe, get away from there," was the hushed voice of Adam. "Com'on you'll wake Pa."

"I can't sleep, Adam," whined the little boy. "I want to sleep with Pa. I'm lonesome."

Ben could imagine the scene. Sleep wasn't coming to him either, worse, he just felt too tired to comfort his young son.

"Com'on, Buddy. You can sleep with me tonight. I'll even read you a story from Arthur's Court if you'd like." That was Adam coaxing Joe away from his father's door.

From the sound of retreating footsteps, it sounded like Adam's bribe worked. Joe had left the door still half-opened. Ben didn't even bother to close it. He turned over and prayed that he'd be able to get a sound sleep tonight. Ben knew that Adam had taken on many of the chores of running the ranch while his father grieved, but Ben didn't know what to do. He was just too tired lately to do anything. He had already lost three women he loved deeply, how could a man cope? This last death was like an axe blow to Ben. Finally, a bright, white light shone behind his lids and Ben fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.

While Ben was sleeping he heard a fluttering sound around his head. "Angel wings," he muttered. "Angels coming to carry me home."

Then Ben got angry. "I'm not ready to go home," he thought groggily. He roused himself to investigate the sound. Sleepily, he headed for the dresser. There, among Marie's brushes and hair accessories Ben hadn't the heart to put away yet, was a small, daemon-looking creature with its leather wings out stretched, beckoning Ben.

Startled, Ben jumped back. "I'm certainly not ready to go there yet!"

Finally awake, Ben laughed when he looked at the creature again. It was a small brown bat that apparently had gotten into the house and couldn't find his way out again.

"Well, Mr. Benjamin Cartwright," Ben said to himself, "If you're not ready to go to heaven and don't want to go to hell, you'd better start living here on earth!"

A sigh escaped from Ben while he went over to open a window. As he passed the by the little bat, the bat took off and flew through the partly opened door. Grabbing his robe, Ben raced out the door and followed the bat downstairs.

The bat began making large circles in the big room. Ben went over to open the front door, hoping he would be able to chase the little bat out. Unfortunately, the bat had other ideas. Ben was flailing his robe trying to herd the bat out, and the bat just kept flying between the dining room and the big room. While chasing the little animal, Ben stopped when he caught sight of his reflection in the windowed panes of the grandfather clock by the front door. There was the Great Ben Cartwright, with his hair standing on end and his nightgown flapping at his bare ankles. Ben laughed; he really did look foolish. But, then maybe it was about time he did do something foolish. It was then he smiled a real smile for the first time in months.

The bat finally had settled on the curtains over the window in his den. Deftly, Ben threw his robe over the small animal and caught it in the folds of his robe. He took it out to the door, opened the robe and let the bat fly out into the night. As he watched the bat fly off, he looked up at the stars. It had been a long time since he really appreciated the beauty of the night sky.

"Pa? Is everything all right?" Ben turned round to see his three sons on the stairs looking at him.

He looked at them. His three sons stood on the stairs watching him warily. Gifts to him from three women whom he loved and who loved him. He would be an ungrateful cad not to acknowledge these gifts and to ignore them.

Adam, who was his first son; a tall, serious, darkly handsome boy who would grow up to be a fine young man. Every time he looked into Adam's eyes he saw Elizabeth. "We need to see about him wearing nightshirts however," thought Ben.

Next was Hoss. At eleven he was already coming close to Adam's height. He had inherited his mother's sturdy frame, and also her gentleness. His blue eyes seemed to encompass the skies, just like Inger's had.

Finally, on the lowest step was Joseph. The baby, his youngest son. He had inherited his mother's small frame and bones. But that didn't stop him from inheriting her fire. His dark hair tousled from just getting up and his green eyes that made Ben think of a cocker spaniel, Joe was the most like his mother. Finally, Ben could look at his youngest without feeling he wanted to crawl into the grave with Marie.

Yes, he was a lucky man. One, he hoped, no one would ever call ungrateful. "I'm all right Adam, I was just seeing a late visitor out the door."

Concerned, Adam came down to his father. "A visitor? This late? Bad news?"

Ben threw his arm around his son, "no son, no bad news. I was actually trying to get a bat out of the house. I was teasing." He looked at his other sons still on the stairs. "It's time we get back to bed, we have plenty to do around here."

Ever practical, Adam nodded, "Yes, we have to see where that bat came in and stop it up." He headed up the stairs.

Ben just gave a short laugh. It felt good to laugh. He knew he would still grieve, but he had made a decision that night to live in the today. Ben felt as if a burden had been taken from his shoulders.

"Are you comin', Pa?" asked Hoss as he turned to follow Adam.

"In a minute, let me close the door. We don't live in a barn, you know." Ben turned toward the door and looked up at the skies again. Smiling he closed the door and followed his sons up the stairs to bed.

"Pa? C could I come sleep with you tonight?" asked Little Joe. Adam paused behind him.

"Why of course you can, I'll even read you a story from Arthur's court." Ben smiled down at his youngest son and took his hand. He looked up and smiled at Adam over Joe's curls.

"Kin I come to Pa?" asked Hoss hesitantly. "I'd like to hear you read. Then I'll go to my own bed. Promise!"

"May I come too?" Ben's eldest son asked with a smile. "I'd like to hear the story also. It's been a while."

Ben looked at his sons. "You'll have to promise to get to sleep, right after," he tried to say it sternly, but seeing Joe's eyes dance merrily, he knew he failed. If that was failure he could do with more.

--

Adam and Hoss had gone to their own rooms after the story as promised. Joe was lying sprawled in the middle of his father's bed. Trying to tuck his son in and get a place in the bed for himself, Ben noticed the window was still opened. He went over to close it and noticed a small brown bat flying by. "Thank you," Ben whispered. "Thank you for this night." And then he shut the window and went to bed for the first sound sleep he had in months.


End file.
